


Carribean Sea and Spice

by natsuyo0329



Category: Star-Crossed (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-03-26 18:38:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3860425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsuyo0329/pseuds/natsuyo0329
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The seven and humans managed to get the suvat away from the Trags, but it's not all rainbows and dasies yet...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Safe House?

**Author's Note:**

> Watched the whole series in one day and had an idea for a fic explode from my brain! Not really, but it's there whispering sweet nothings to me and begging to be typed! I changed a few things with the story, like how it only took one day to finish the *spoilers* Marti Gras float and then its stolen that same night. I'm going to extend the time frame by a couple of days of normalcy before the Trags manage to steal it back. If they completed the float in one day then there had to be some time before the parade right? Right. Anyways, hope y'all enjoy!!

It hurt something inside of me, as I reeled back for the strike I was about to deliver to Grayson. Despite what the _vatal_ made me do or say in my drugged stupor, I actually liked the human. He seemed to have the same mindset as I did when it came to Emery. She needed to be protected and I thought I was the only one who shared that point of view. Grayson was goading me with his eyes; he knew that we weren’t selling this play-fight to the Trags. I glimpsed at Emery and she saw it too, the hesitation in my eyes and in my body language but it had to be done. We needed to get the _suvat_ away from them, whatever the cost.

I don’t remember what I screamed at Grayson as I swung and my fist collided across his sculpted cheek bones. I figured my brain wanted to protect me from this intense feeling of regret that coiled deep in my stomach. I wasn’t even aware of my surroundings until Grayson and I were on our way back from the mock fight. He was running at my side, taking strides just as long as my own, like he had grown up in a city like the Sector. I knew it wasn’t true however, since Grayson’s parents were rich he had wanted for nothing growing up. The young man had a caring and loving family as he grew up. Until his brother had died the night we came to Earth.

“-sorry…” I mumbled toward the other man.

Grayson stumbled for a second, losing his rhythm while running. When I stopped alongside him and saw that he was heaving gulps of air, I tried to offer him a hand. For my effort however, he just put his hand up in a stopping gesture. I let him catch his breath, watching his strong back rise and fall while he grasped his knees in exhaustion. I never really saw what Grayson had to offer Emery. He had money, he was strong, and he was charismatic. Often, I’d find myself getting lost in the way his words, mixed with his voice, seemed to enrapture everyone around him. It was no small feat that he was able to rebuild the Red Hawkes after the debacle with his family.

Grayson lifted his head, his green eyes gauging me as he asked a little breathless, “W-What?”

“I- I understand why you wanted to remake the Red Hawkes. The way your parents were going about it was just the same as the Trags.” I explained some of my reasoning for apologizing.

“You know I’ve never had any real beef with your people… just the ones that wanted to harm us humans.” Grayson replied as he stood up at his full six foot and two inch height, overshadowing me by several inches.

I gave a weak laugh as I said, “Really? All those intimidating looks you send Drake and my way are what- your way of saying “I want to be your friend”?”

There was more to those looks than intimidation. It seemed like whenever I found myself watching him and Emery together- I realized that I wanted someone to look at me the way he looked at her. Grayson was kind below that tough Red Hawke exterior that was most likely created by his parents, but it reminded me of Drake. I thought back onto all of the times I’ve seen Grayson and realized that he has had the same kind look and something else buried deep in those emerald eyes whenever he looked at me over Emery’s shoulder or even the other boys in school. Like when he fought the rival swim team, he had my back and I had his, it was an unspoken alliance that made me really start to look at him.

Grayson seemed to need a moment to think on an answer as I contemplated my own thoughts and feelings. He ended up shrugging and said, “Look man, I understand the way you feel about Emery, your sister- hell, all of the Atrians. I just-”

Something caught my attention as Gray was explaining, and I didn’t know what. My body acted on its own as I flung towards Grayson and then it happened, a rain of bullets were fired in the spot we were just standing in. I placed my hand over Grayson’s mouth as he tried to say something. We needed to be quiet now as we stealthily moved down the alley way to escape our pursuers. Just like at the swimming pool, Grayson trusted in me to have his back, and I, his, as we continued to move towards the gate where Emery and the rest of our friends were waiting with the suvat. The feelings I was starting to have to the man would have to be explored at a later time, when neither of us were in danger, or the rest of humanity.

~~~

“I’m sorry.” Roman had stated again while we walked around the float that housed the terrorist weapon.

While no one was looking towards us, I turned towards the Atrian and ask quietly, “What for? You just saved my life-”

My sentence was interrupted as I felt Roman’s warm, almost hot hand lightly caress the spot where he had hit me, trying to sell the fight to the Trags. The moment was gone almost as soon as it had happened when Emery came up and asked if we were okay. Roman was the first to find his words while looking at his hand like it had betrayed him. All I could do was nod and climb on top of the float, wanting to get out of the Sector as soon as possible. Then Trags appeared out of nowhere forcing Drake and Roman to start fighting to protect the float and everyone in and around it. He was successful at removing the first threat but then another jumped him from behind, wrapping his arm around his throat.

Something in me couldn’t stand to see him get hurt, even though he was the one that had taken Emery from me- no that wasn’t it. Roman was part of the race that had killed my brother and forced my parents into the dark downward spiral that became their lives after his death. His race was the reason why I tried every night fort the past ten years to escape my family and their politics, both above and below the line of morality. I constantly found myself running around Edendale at odd hours of the night trying to escape their depression. When that didn’t seem to help, I joined sporting events to clear my mind, even self-defense courses that trained me to use blades for defense… Even though it didn’t seem to matter to my parents, the fact that I was on the swimming team or an honor-roll student, passed over their heads as they continued to find _their_ justice for my brother’s untimely death.

I shook my head in confusion as past memories started to come up and placing undue blame towards one person for the acts of violence towards his own people were despicable. The past didn’t matter at this point in time, just the present. And right now the feelings that were similar to the day we beat the shit out of Collier poolside, were resurfacing. My hand had already pulled the switch-blade out of my pocket and I was suddenly behind the Trag Atrian. I placed the blade over the terrorist’s throat and felt my mouth moving, although I really didn’t understand what was coming out of my mouth. Something along the line of slicing his throat open if he didn’t release Roman…

The man released his grip on Roman’s throat and I thought we were in the clear until their ring leader brought a gun up and pointed it at Emery’s chest. Everyone went silent then, I could feel the blood boiling in my veins and as I took a quick second to look at Roman, I knew he was feeling the same rage as me. I heard screaming, pulling my gaze off of Roman and towards Emery, just in time to see her shooting a heavy stream of mace into the gun wielder’s eyes. Drake, who was closest to her, kicked his feet out from under him and before long, Emery had started the truck and we were moving. I held my hand out allowing Roman to grasp it in order to pull him up onto our escape-float… _God that sounded stupid_ , I thought before Roman’s warm-hot hand accepted my help up. He smiled brightly towards me, a half parting of lips showing his teeth. He turned back and did the same for Drake and before long we were outside the Sector.

“We made it!” Drake exclaimed when we were free of the Trags.

Lukas and Sophia were celebrating as well with Emery towards the front of the float where my jeep was pulling it. My mind was all about the small victory, I was even smiling a little half-heartedly myself. I had a nagging sensation that the smile wasn’t because we managed to foil a major terrorist attack, but for the fact that Roman had shared a smile that he usually reserved for Emery with me. That smile seemed to warm me up just like the one my brother had before he went off to join the National Guard. Roman had jumped down and went to celebrate with the others, pulling Emery out of the crowd and placing her back towards me. I thought it was supposed to provoke me, like all the other times both he and I had done it, but then I saw him. His light blue eyes were looking at me while he hugged her. Had he always looked at me whenever he hugged her? Or was this just a recent development? I knew that Atrian’s didn’t care about who they fell in love with. That last part was proven when Sohpia kissed Taylor in the middle of her party.

My watch interrupted my train of thought as the alarm I set for 5:30 went off. It meant that there was only a half an hour before we needed to get the _suvat_ to Gloria and give time for the others to find a safe place to hide. I walked up to the group and asked, “Emery, why don’t you go spend some time with-” and I hesitated before saying his name. A lump formed in my throat as I continued, “-Roman before curfew is up. I’ll make sure that Gloria gets the device.”

Drake and the others had already dissipated, Lukas heading to the car he arrived in, while Drake and Sophia went to join him, most likely going to the Bug. So it was just Emery, Roman and I, standing by the hood of my jeep. Three was definitely a crowd and for once, I felt like Emery was the odd person out. There were things I needed to ask Roman and I would rather her not be present when I asked him. The proposal I stated was met with concerned blue eyes from Roman and quizzical ones from Emery. I wondered for the first time what I had seen in her. She was kind like my brother, pretty, and selfless. Did I want her because she reminded me of my brother? Or did I want her because Roman wanted her? I needed alone time to think, and the ride to the High School would be perfect for that. Reluctantly, Emery agreed to let me do it and she asked me to text her when I made it safely which I haphazardly agreed to. I wondered if she would tell Roman that I had made it safely or not, since he wasn’t allowed to have a cell phone.

As Emery ushered Roman away, I stared after the two, wondering what the hell was going on with me. I was about to turn into my jeep until I noticed that Roman was looking at me even as he was being led away. His blue eyes locked on me the whole time until the two turned a corner. A shiver ran down my spine as I continued to stare at the corner they disappeared behind. I wanted, no- I _needed_ to know what these feelings were and why they started to come up now that the Atrian’s were in close proximity.

~~~

I was on my way to the drop off point for the _suvat_ when my cell phone beeped, signaling that I got a voice message. At a stop sign, I parked off the road and played the voice mail. It was Gloria stating that she needed time for her contact from the government to show up in Edendale and that I was to find a safe place to stash it until they showed up. _Well, that’s vague…_ I thought in my head as I continued to the High School. Once there, I dropped off the float before heading towards my parents’ house, well, mansion. There were plenty of places to stash the device but I would need help with moving it.

Sighing, I pulled off to the side of the road where I tried to dial Eric’s phone and wasn’t surprised when it went straight to voicemail. I could have tried calling my new Red Hawkes but they were most likely just going to ask more questions that I didn’t have answers to. There were always the Atrians… Maybe Drake was at the Bug, or Emery could be with Roman still and I wondered if I could talk to him; try to figure things out. I held my breath as I dialed Emery’s phone number and almost forgot to let it out when she answered.

“Grayson? Something wrong?” Emery’s voice rang out through the receiver.

“I err- Well, its uhm, is Roman there?” I stumbled through the words and cursed myself out in my head.

“S-Sure, hold on.” Emery acknowledged, followed by the sound of the phone shuffling hands.

Romans deep clear voice answered quizzically, “Grayson? What’s wrong?”

I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t know why but the young man’s voice was soothing. I answered, “Well, Gloria can’t take the _suvat_ right at this moment and Eric isn’t available to help me move it into my parents’ place. Do you- I mean, would you mind helping me with it? There are still several more hours before curfew and I could get you back on time.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone and for a moment I wondered if the connection was interrupted. Roman’s voice answered me by saying, “Yes that would be fine. We are just about at the Bug.”

“Alright! I’ll swing around and pick you up and we’ll head out.” My heart was beating a little bit faster with Roman agreeing to help me with the _suvat_. Even better was the fact that Emery _wasn’t_ going to be there to get in between the two of us. Although strangely I don't know what she could interrupt.

~~~

Once Grayson pulled up to the Bug, I got out of her car and she followed suit just to give a big display of kissing me on my cheek. After she left, I turned towards Grayson, a little flush with embarrassment at the display in front of him. Honestly, I didn’t know what I was blushing for. Emery had done the same thing to Grayson while I happened to be watching them. I wondered if I was frustrated at the public display of affection or if I wanted to be the one giving the attention. Grayson’s green eyes were staring after Emery, or were they looking at me? It was something to ponder at another time however, as Grayson pulled the jeep up, allowing me to jump in before we started towards the High School so we could get the _suvat_ into his jeep. Between the two of us we managed to only waste a half an hour shimmying it from the float and into the back of Grayson’s jeep before we started to make our way towards his family’s house.

About halfway to the ferry, I tried to break the silence that was stretching between us by asking a neutral question, “How long have you been swimming?”

“Since before my brother-” he trailed off, letting me fill in the blanks.

“Do you… like it?” I asked, turning my head towards him, watching his body movements.

Grayson’s shoulders tightened and his back straightened, he was tensing and probably was going to go off on me but instead he took a deep breath and replied, “I got- more involved with the sport to deal with- my family and their activities.”

I understood the part about wanting to get away from family dealings. I knew that my father had been grooming me to take over the tribe as _Iksen_ but I wasn’t even sure I wanted the title and all the responsibilities that came with it. It was hard in the Sector for all us Atrian kids. Children had two choices really, grow up and join the Trags or grow up and essentially die in the poverty ridden Sector. It was one sided really, all the kids thought the Trags were do gooders, fighting for the rights of all Atrians. Drake and I grew up against the mold for the most part, until recently actually. Drake had been converted not too long ago with promises of his mother getting released. Little did he know, it was me who got her released with the help of Gloria but that was a conversation I still haven't brought up with him.

It was a simple human gesture, but I thought that Grayson needed the comfort as I placed my hand on his shoulder and rubbed slowly and smoothly. I said what was on my mind, “Well, you have friends and you can count on… us.”

Between my thoughts and the little bit of conversation, Grayson managed to park the jeep with the _suvat_ in the back. He sighed and reclined his seat after turning the radio station up essentially breaking the little bit of contact. I turned to watch his face go slightly slack as he relaxed and listened to the music. I took the moment and studied his features starting with his thick wavy hair and I wondered if it was as soft as it looked. His high chiseled cheek bones ran down to his chin with the ever so slightest dimple that was making itself present although it was mostly camouflaged by the quickly growing five o’ clock shadow. The shirt that was still a little dirty from our time in the Sector was clinging to his swimmers sculpted chest and wrapped around biceps that were as big as my own. My visual interrogation didn’t stop there as I trailed even lower to Grayson’s flat stomach and further south, his groin, which seemed to realize that he was being viewed in a voyeuristic fashion as a bulge started forming in the tight denim jeans.

I looked back up with a warm sensation hitting my cheeks and saw one of Grayson’s emerald eyes rake over my own body, just as I did his earlier. There was a sly smile on his face as he asked, “See anything you like?”

There was a slight play to his words that may have meant that he was joking around but I answered anyways, “Yes.”

Grayson opened both eyes and stared at me blankly, possibly trying to think through the answer I had given him. It got to the point where I didn’t know if he was going to talk at all so I said apologetically, “I’m sorry, was I not supposed to answer your question?”

“N-No, I –uhm, I just didn’t expect an answer, that’s all.” Grayson stuttered.

“Why ask the question then?” I asked quizzically.

Grayson brought his hand up to his head and scratched it lightly in thought before he said, “Well, I guess it’s more of a statement than a question.”

“Why did your voice raise at the end making it a question then?” I asked, raising one of my eyebrows.

Grayson was getting flustered, his cheeks turning a bright pink as he continued to think through my questions. He was saved however as the ferry blew its horn, signaling the docking and the start of vehicles unloading. The young man started the car and smiled sheepishly as he said, “We finally made it huh? Let’s get this thing unloaded and perhaps stop by the Bug on the way back to the Sector.”

We drove to the Montrose mansion in relative silence, just listening to the music on the radio. Once there I waited for Grayson to turn the engine off before I got out of the car myself and headed towards the trunk. He was already there bringing down the tailgate when I approached and placed my hands on the opposite side of the _suvat_ from where Grayson was standing. At the same count of three we lifted the device and brought it to the impressive four door garage that was part of the estate. Grayson balanced his half of the machine on his leg while he grabbed his keychain and opened up one of the garages. The _suvat_ was surpisingly light for how cumbersomely large it was. It just went to show the craftsmanship of Atrian technology versus humans.

We walked into the car port and placed the _suvat_ on the ground. I stretched my back and looked around, noticing there were two other cars parked. I asked, “Father out? Or your family has three cars?”

Grayson smiled as he rubbed his forearms and replied, “Yeah, he’s out. Think we can put this in my room? It would be less suspicious there and probably the last place the Trags would find it, or better yet, my-my brother’s room.”

“Lead the way if you’re not tired.” I replied with a smirk on my face. It was interesting seeing where the leader of the New Red Hawkes lived. Might even enlighten me on how Grayson became the way he was today.

~~~

Sweat was dripping down my forehead and landing on my shirt as I sat and leaned against a nearby wall. Between Roman and I, we managed to get the suvat up three flights of stairs and into my brother’s abandoned room in record time. There was dust all over the place from no one coming into the space since his death. My parents cut out this part of their lives and restricted access to the room until they were ready to come into it themselves. Now it was ten years later and they still haven’t managed to so much as open the door. I haven’t even been in here for at least nine years. Whenever I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming my brother’s name in the first year of his death, I would end up taking my blanket and walked up to this room and slept on the floor.

My parents were never around to provide comfort, no, their way of comfort was sending me to psychiatrists who didn’t understand. Towards the end of that year I eventually learned to suppress my sadness and anger and was mostly just acting like a _normal_ person. I would go through the motions of being alive; eating, sleeping, and even using the appropriate emotions when needed. It didn’t matter though; my parents didn’t see anything but their politics and their old and mindless Red Hawkes. I was pretty much an emotionless machine until they showed up, the Atrians. I didn’t really pay much attention to them while they were confined to the Sector, until the day they were allowed to come to our school. It was just like any other morning until Roman had approached Emery.

I looked over at the Atrian in question and watched as a droplet of sweat ran across the three circular tattoos under his eye; briefly illuminating the dark symbols a florescent blue. Roman caught me staring and smiled calmly towards me. I asked him, “What?”

“I was just wondering what you were thinking about so seriously for a moment, and then your expression lightened…” Roman explained before getting up off the floor on the opposite side of the room.

I looked up at Roman and watched as another drop of sweat ran down along the Atrian’s jugular. Once again the path illuminated the tattooing there. A lump formed in my throat that made it hard for me to swallow. I had a sudden urge of wanting to lick that dropplet of water away until Roman quirked his eyebrow at me and I just continued to stare at him until I finally reached my hand out towards him and asked, “Give me a hand will ya?”

Roman actually just stood there looking at me, his eyes darting between my face and my hand and then back up to my face. It was actually quite amusing watching the Atrian come to understand what I was asking. Finally he took my hand and pulled me to my feet, but he overestimated the strength he needed to help me up and I ended up in his arms. I was suddenly eclipsed in the scent of Roman as my head leaned forward into the space between his shoulder and neck, ironically where the drop of sweat had cascaded down. He smelled like- I don’t know. It reminded me of one of the vacations I was on with my parents and my brother when we went to the Caribbean. He smelled of the ocean and spice.

In that moment my phone rang, completely shattering the bubble of frozen time between me and Roman. He shot back from me and placed his hands into his jeans pocket as I grabbed the phone from my back pocket. I looked at the caller I.D. and nearly cursed aloud as I read the name Eric blinking at me. I sighed and answered the phone asking what he needed. The bastard just wanted to tell me that he was sorry he didn’t answer my call the first time a couple of hours ago and that if I needed him, to call him. After a heavy, drawn out sigh, I held the phone in my hand and looked at Roman. He looked like he wanted to say something but he was hesitant.

“I guess I should get you back then…” I suggested to the Atrian.

Roman’s light blue eyes darkened for a moment in confusion but then he realized what time it was after he checked his Sector bracelet and said, “You’re right. There’s still a lot I have to do before tomorrow…”

“Right…uhm, let’s go.” I said awkwardly and headed back to the jeep.

If I thought the ride to my house was tense, the ride back to the Sector was worse. Roman stared out the open window the whole time and didn’t say anything even when I prompted him with conversation starters. Halfway to the Sector I turned the music up on the radio and we drove listening to the tunes. About a mile away from the Sector, I pulled off to the side of the road and turned towards Roman. I sat there looking at the back of his head waiting for him to ask what was wrong or get angry- just respond to me damnit.

“Roman.” I said his name and when he didn’t answer I repeated myself a little louder, “Roman!”

He turned then and looked at me, his light blue eyes lost in thought. Roman shook his head slightly and replied, “I’ve been lost in thought tonight. I’m sorry. I will see you at school tomorrow.”

“You can’t-” I started to say before he interrupted me.

“Walk back to the Sector? I’ve done it plenty of times. Good night Grayson, it was… quite the experience we had today.” Roman said diplomatically and it made me want to punch him in the face.

Instead of punching him, I sighed and said quietly, “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

Roman jumped out of my jeep and pulled up the hoodie portion of his shirt and walked with his hands in his jeans pockets. I needed to talk to Eric tomorrow to see if there was something wrong with me. Eric was my closet friend and we’ve been through Hell together. He should be able to work with me through whatever feelings I was starting to have for Roman, if you would call them feelings… It was starting to get late and I still had to get back to my family’s house. The whole ride back, my thoughts were distracted by the smell of the ocean and spice.

~~~


	2. Memories and Parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Roman and Grayson talk to their childhood friends, Drake and Eric respectfully, before theres a situation at school involving Grayson and no one is around to him him through it except Roman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long time it took me to post an update! I seem to have trouble finding a suitable place to break for a chapter and always want to try and write as much as I can before posting! As always, Not Beta'd, all errors are my own! Comments are always Welcomed and Appriciated ^.^

Drake was watching me as I walked back and forth along the top of a pod. I had been here most of the night after Grayson had dropped me off, thinking about what happened throughout the day. Drake had found me pacing and just sat off to the side and watched me. I wondered for a moment if Drake needed to think as well. I know some Atrians that needed to do something to help process their thoughts, like my father used gardening, which I tried but the pacing seemed to suit me better at the moment. Other’s like my uncle could just sit down and organize their thoughts easily. It didn’t matter though, the pacing effect was starting to mix my thoughts up again.

I stopped and looked at Drake, he was my sort-of adopted brother while his mother was incarcerated. He had no one to care for him and nobody wanted to since everyone believed his mother was the one responsible for bringing our ship down to Earth. I wasn’t so singular minded, just like my father. He took him in for the most part. Drake still wanted his own pod but he would come over to ours every day. Even outside of our steel lodgings, we would always hang out together. In our ninth year of school or freshman year of high school according to the humans, Drake and I had kissed each other. We had seen other same sex couples at our age doing it, so we decided to give it a shot, although the circumstances were different than just out of the blue kissing eachother.

“You remember our ninth school year, I mean last year?” I asked suddenly, making Drake stand up.

Drake’s tall and heavily muscled form was honed here in the Sector. Some of the more friendly guards helped get second-hand gym equipment. He started to spend more time there as we got older as he started to listen to the Trag propaganda. My friend was only slightly taller than myself, maybe by one or two inches to my own five feet ten inches. Grayson was slightly taller than Drake, making him at least six feet an two inches. I shook my head slightly to clear my thoughts again. I needed to ask Drake about what we did.

Drake looked at me vaguely and said, “Which part? We got into some major brawls during that year.”

I felt a light flush raise up my cheeks as I turned away from him and replied, “When we… kissed.”

“Yeah, I remember that…” Drake answered, scrunching up his nose at the memory.

“Do you remember if you felt anything? Or possibly if I told you if I felt anything?” I fished for information.

Drake ran a hand over his short hair and said, “You know, man? Not really. I mean you still had your head wrapped up in thoughts of Emery.”

Drake was right. The situation a year ago was strange. My mother continued to shut my father out by continuing to keep to her Atrian roots and she refused to go in front of the humans with their cameras and show support for my father’s belief in humans and us coexisting outside the barbed wire fence. There was a verbal fight between them in _sondiv_ which had scared my sister, and made me run out of the house. I was itching for a fight and ended up finding one with some known Trags. It was a bad scrap that ended up with me limping back towards our pod. The furthest I managed to get to was Drake’s unit.

I knocked on his door weakly and waited for him to answer. It wasn’t long after the knock that I felt my legs slide down along the ground and I found myself sitting up against the side of his pod. I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them, I was laying down on a couch inside Drake’s home. He came into my line of vision with a basin filled with water and some herbs in his hand. When I tried to sit up, I felt a little dizzy and Drake’s hand fell onto my shoulder and pressed me slightly back to lying down. He wrung out a towel and placed it on my forehead and asked me what had happened.

I told him, “Fight…between my mother… and father.”

“Were you in the middle of it? Dude, you got trashed!” Drake had replied while he crushed the herbs into a mug sitting on a cluttered coffee table. Afterwards he put hot water in it and stirred the liquid around.

I had continued to explain, “No, not my parents. I was spoiling for a fight and ended up going up against three Trags.”

Drake smiled at me and offered me the mug filled with tea after helping me sit up. He stated, “Ah, that explains it.”

Drake’s touch was unbelievably soft as he ran the towel over the cuts and bruises along my skin. Wherever the cloth ran over my birthmarks, they illuminated iridescent blue. The tea was hot but soothing as it trickled down my throat. Drake seemed to be getting better at differentiating the many plants that were taken from our home planet which was surprising. He didn’t seem like the type to most people, but the young man was actually quite intelligent. There was more to him than just the muscle and looks, although he didn’t care to really learn anything about the humans and their culture.

His deep voice asked softly, “What happened at your pod?”

Tears pulled at the corners of my eyes as I had remembered the reason I had gotten into the fight in the first place. I answered shakily, “My p-parents were fighting.”

Drake shot a smirk my way as he said, “The world is ending because your parents fought?”

I managed a weak smile and replied, “When you put it that way…”

“There we go. There’s the smile that wins the hearts of the populace…” Drake said as he placed his large hand along my cheek.

I needed comfort and a sense of being safe. That little girl and her barn had made me feel safe, and now Drake was making me feel the same. My body leaned into the touch, bringing Drake’s face closer to my own. When Drake didn’t pull away, I closed the distance between us and our lips touched briefly. I pulled back momentarily just to look into his deep blue eyes, opposite to my own. There wasn’t shame in his eyes or hate, just curiosity as he leaned in this time and kissed me more passionately. His teeth nibbled at my lower lip, in a sense he was asking permission for me to open my mouth. I did allow him entrance and with it, his tongue.

Drake interrupted my reminiscing when he asked, “Why do you bring it up?”

I answered his question with another question by saying, “Is it possible to feel safe in two different places?”

“What do you mean?” Drake asked me, now he was pacing himself.

“Well, I mean, the safest place I feel is at the detached garage at Emery’s house. My own pod with my family never felt safe, especially with the armed guards everywhere. But… recently, there’s been someon-thing else.” I explained.

Drake stopped pacing and looked at me seriously. He said, “Honestly, I don’t know man. But then a year ago I couldn’t tell you that I was going to be dating and in love with a human who is having my baby. People tend to change.”

“You think that maybe my feelings towards... being safe might have changed?” I asked as I entertained the idea for a moment. Could I have moved on from Emery at some point? She was still as kind and sweet as she was when she was ten but that was just it. There wasn’t anything more to her than that and maybe that was why things felt off.

“I don’t know man. You know I’m not good with deep revelations.” Drake stated as he clapped me on the shoulder good naturedly.

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks for listening to my ramblings. I’m headed in.” I stated and headed to the street. My thoughts were still reeling over my possible developing feelings for Grayson as I lay down in my bed to get some sleep before school tomorrow. Although sleep was a relative term since my brain kept going back and forth between the time I kissed Drake a year ago, the times I’ve kissed Emery, and the few days I spent with Grayson on my side, be it at the swim meet, the fighting in the Sector, or the brief time at his residence. It was a strange sensation, having Grayson occupy my thoughts.

~~~

It was early in the morning as I waited outside Eric’s place, drinking a quad shot of espresso in my coffee. Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep over the night as I continued to think about Roman sweating in my brother’s room. I honked my horn twice waiting for Eric to get the hell out of his house and into my jeep so we could get to school. Eric finally exited his door, showing me his middle finger which was definitely classy. I wondered what I saw in him when we became friends. Sure, we were on the swim team together and he was a person that actually played around with me as I was growing up but something in _me_ changed.

“What’s got you in a mood? Emery kiss Roman in front of you or something?” Eric joked as he jumped into the passenger seat.

“Shove it! I mean- sorry, I didn’t get much sleep last night…” I emphasized by taking a big gulp from my loaded coffee.

Eric eyed my cup asked gingerly, “How many shots-”

“Only four!” I interrupted him.

“And how many cups…” Eric continued.

“Third or fourth cup? I can’t remember.” I stated quickly as I continued toward school.

Eric chuckled at me as he said, “That explains it, your caffeine tweaking.”

We arrived relatively quickly after our conversation was over, if you could call it one. My body seemed to be impatient today as my foot leaned on the gas pedal a little too deeply which accelerated my jeep to about ten or fifteen miles over the speed limit. Once we got to school, Eric jumped out and walked off to meet up with his friends while I downed the rest of my coffee and waited for the Atrian bus to arrive. I really needed to see Roman after the night of dreams I’ve had. I wondered if he was thinking about me while he was in the Sector.

“Get a grip.” I stated out loud before continuing, “He has Emery, why would he want you?”

I sighed and got out of the jeep with my back pack swung around one shoulder. The caffeine high was ebbing once the words I had unconsciously spoken came out and my thoughts were starting to darken. It was true however, those words; why would anyone want me when my own parents couldn’t see that I existed for the past ten years? I walked towards the school with my head swung low, not looking at anyone as I got to my locker. All of the other students were near the windows, waiting for the Atrian’s to arrive. You’d think the commotion would have died down since they have been here for several months now but it hadn’t lessened at all.

“They’re here!” “It’s the Tatties!” “Here they come!” The students around me were whispering and starting to flock near the entrance.

The kids were just like the adults outside, making them feel like they were the main attraction at the zoo. I knew what it felt like, sort of. Because of my family name and their fortune, I grew up under a microscope. It was worse after my brother’s death. My mother and father capitalized on it and left me to practically fend for myself against the media and the other kids at school. But now wasn’t the time to reminisce though. I spun around and leaned back against my locker and waited for them to enter through the double doors.

I closed my eyes from the glaring florescent school lights that were starting to give me a headache and just listened to the other students. They were talking about them in all manner of ways. Some wanted to fight them, others wondered if they were datable, and surprisingly there were some that just wanted to get to class as they were fed up with the whole matter. I could relate with the last two theories even though I didn’t feel like I deserved to be dated.

“Yo Grayson, your caffeine high on the downfall?” Eric asked from somewhere to the right of where I was leaning.

“I’m getting a headache…” I replied solemnly.

The muttering around me lessened considerably which meant that the Atrian’s were walking through the hallways now. I opened my eyes slowly and almost instantly they found Roman’s light blue eyes. Once again, everything I was thinking about over the night was rushing to the forefront of my mind and surprisingly, it was pushing away the headache that was forming. That is until Taylor came bouncing up to where Eric and I were. She always managed to have some sort of plan going on in that blonde head of hers.

True to her fashion she stopped the Atrian’s right in front of me and spoke, “There’s going to be a pre-Mardie Gras party tonight, I expect to see everyone there.”

Drake sneered at the invite and asked, “Another party? Are you sure you’re-”

“Of course! There’s nothing wrong with me!” Taylor said with a slightly higher pitched voice before walking off. There was something definitely going on there. But my attention was reserved for Roman who was staring at me.

Emery made her appearance then and continued where Taylor left off, “We need help with the decorations and I have Lukas on music. We even have Gloria’s permission to work on it today during school hours so we can get it done faster. She wants to show off the float we made in the Sector last night.”

“Sounds-” I started to say before Teri interrupted.

“That’s exactly what I want to do, fork over all my free time to help create a party that I’m not even going to show up for!” Teri exclaimed before walking away.

To Drake’s credit, he didn’t storm after her. Instead he looked at Emery and asked, “Will  _everyone_ be there?”

Emery smiled and replied, “Nobody skips out on a party Taylor controls.”

“Ha. You’re right, stupid of me to ask.” Drake said looking between Taylor and everyone else. That was subtle.

“Roman will you be there to help everyone?” Emery asked, looping her arm around his.

“I- uhm, sure. I’ll help out.” Roman stated, braking eye contact with me and looking down at Emery.

Emery trained her brown eyes on me and without needing to say anything I replied to her, “Of course I’ll be there. Can’t have the only heavy lifting being done by our tattooed friends now can we? Eric will be there too!”

Eric looked at me with a shocked face and said, “I- what?”

“I’m sure _Julia_ will be there too, right Emery?” I asked her.

She didn’t seem fazed by the emphasis I put on her best friend’s name and just smiled and replied politely, “Of course she’ll be there! She hasn’t been to many functions growing up in the hospital…”

“I’ll be there.” Eric replied a little too quickly for Emery to not catch on but surprisingly she just nodded and walked away with Roman in her arm.

Once they were away from ear-shot, Eric stated, “Not cool man. How long have you known?”

I smiled and replied, “For a while now. I think Julia will have a good effect on you.”

“Whatever that means. I guess we are going to the gym after homeroom then?” Eric stated as he started to walk in the direction everyone else had.

“Yeah, it’s going to be fun…” I stated with a little sour note in the statement.

I wanted to talk to Roman but with this function going on, Emery was most likely going to be all over him. There had to be a chance for me to be alone with him for at least five minutes in the eight hour school day… Silently, I was wishing that I had the courage to just pull him out of Emery’s grasp and just talk to him plainly. But if anyone knew that wasn’t going to happen, it was me. It took Emery’s guidance for me to finally stand up to my parents, although I found the words came easier when I related to my everyday interactions with Roman and the other Atrian’s. I sighed, and started to slip into a mild depression as I walked next to Eric towards our homeroom class. Roman wouldn’t see past the scared little kid long enough for me to even talk to him, let alone be alone with him.

Later, I found myself putting together little party favors for the event tonight in the gym after homeroom. The others were milling about, putting up streamers or painting things that were going to be hung up. Every now and then my attention would be pulled to Roman who was on the opposite side of the gym, painting with Emery and no matter how hard I tried; I couldn’t get him out of my mind. Deep down I knew that there was no way Roman could fall for someone like me; someone with so many issues that other people wouldn’t even come close. The proof was the fact that Emery, someone who has had a bit of a troubled past with her medical conditions, had dumped me for Roman.

All the people who’ve wanted to date me fell in love with the arrogant, rich-boy façade that I had created when I was eleven or twelve, I couldn’t remember exactly when. After I realized that my parents couldn’t- no, wouldn’t- love me as much as they loved my brother. I locked away all the fear and self-doubt behind that mask. I couldn’t show all the pain I had been through; the loss of my brother and parents, a loveless household, and me just trying to survive. It was all a pity party and I would rather grow old and alone than to have someone pity me. I felt it then, a crack in the mask I hid behind; a weakness that my hidden anxiety could exploit and bring with it a wave of crushing depression. I needed to get away from everyon before they saw me break down, I wouldn’t allow anyone to see me when the panic set in.

“Hey…” Roman’s voice sounded from in front of me.

I looked up from the table of favors and realized that while I was lost in thought everyone had gone somewhere leaving me alone in the gym with Roman and I hadn’t even noticed anyone’s departure. Roman was expecting a reply, his light blue eyes were looking for a response. I needed to get away from him, the break in my mental defenses were growing wider. Shuddering a little, I tried to clear my thoughts before I said meekly, my voice betraying the war inside of my head, “H-Hi…”

Roman gave me a small concerned smile as he explained, “The others went off to get more supplies… Would you mind if we talked-”

I couldn’t let him finish as I abruptly shot up from where I was sitting and ran off towards the locker room. A black wave of depression and anxiety was about to descend upon me and I needed a place to try and contain it. My heart was racing and I needed to calm down. If we were in the swimming pool building I would have dove in to lose myself in the soundless water. For now I would have to make do with the showers. As I ran past the stalls, I turned the dials on all the way trying to drown out the sounds of my own subconscious belittling me. When there wasn’t any more shower dials to turn, I collapsed into the corner of the last stall and started humming a tune my brother used to hum to help me get to sleep at night.

_No one can love you…_

_How can you expect someone to love you when you can’t even drop your act…?_

_If your parents couldn’t love you, why do you think a stranger would…?_

_You aren’t capable of loving someone else…_

_Why would someone love someone like you, who is broken…?_

_You are not worth it…_

_Nobody will love you…_

The phrases bounced around my head like ping-pong balls. I closed my eyes and tried to find a happy place that would help me escape this self-inflicting torture. Memories of times before my brother died used to be a good hide out for me but it didn’t seem to be working now. Those memories were being tainted by this anxiety and depression, the image I had of him in days that were usually bright were dulling around the edges and his skin was now deathly pale. It wasn’t long before his smiles turned into grim lines and his eyes went from joyful to serious. His mouth opened and words that sounded uncharacteristically like my father’s sounded, _you’re not worthy of any kind of love…_

“Grayson…” Roman’s voice was distant, like he was in the locker room somewhere.

“I-I’m un-unworthy…. I-I’m un-unworthy…. I-I’m unworthy….” I repeated back to back, my father’s words that had come out of my brother’s mouth had struck a chord in me that I haven’t had to deal with for years now.

Footsteps sounded in the pooling water which meant that Roman had noticed where I had gone. It didn’t matter though, he loved Emery, I was incapable of being loved. His voice was a whisper as he said, “Grayson…”

I couldn’t look at him. No one has ever seen me in this state. I thought I had a handle on my anxiety and depression but it seems like all it was waiting for was for me to feel something for someone before revealing its ugly faces. My body rocked back and forth as I tried to concentrate on the water that was pelting my skin, the sound that almost muted the depreciating thoughts all around me. Tremors were starting to rack my body, signaling that my body was cold, but it didn’t matter, none of it did. I was alone in this world and I needed to put my mask back on and deal with this in the closed off walls of my parent’s mansion.

All of a sudden the water stopped and the words banging along the walls of my skull were getting louder. I tried to hum louder to block out the words but nothing was working. Strong, warm hands had gripped the sides of my face and forced my head up. My eyes were still shut, I couldn’t handle witnessing the pity in Roman’s eyes after he had seen me in this state. My body was betraying me however, as I felt my hands grip the soaking shirt of Roman, who was kneeling in front of me. I wanted to shove him away as hard as possible but all I ended up doing was pulling me closer to him. His scent hit me then, that ocean and spice smell somehow reminded me of being safe. I wanted to wrap myself in that scent as I felt my body pulling me closer to the Atrian. I slowly opened my eyes just to see the drenched black shirt and as I looked higher, I knew I would find pity in those light blue eyes.

“Gray-” Roman started to say my name before he stopped.

His tattoos were glowing light blue from the shower water and it had captured my attention, just momentarily halting the onslaught of panic that was rushing through my mind. I managed to say weakly, “R-Roman, I-I didn’t want- I didn’t want you to see me… like this.”

Roman pushed my head against his chest and he said with a soft voice, “Everyone has something… that they want no one else to see.”

With the water turned off and my clothes soaked through, a chill ran across my body at Roman’s words. What did the Atrian have to hide from everyone? Roman lifted me up with him as the shivers didn’t stop after what he said. I must have been cold but the shock mixed with my anxiety and depression must have made me miss the fact that my temperature had dropped. He brought me to the lockers and looked around and ended up seeing the cart of clean towels that we used for the swim team practices. I watched him walk the distance between where he sat me down and where the cart was; watching and _wanting_ him to comfort me.

~~~

I didn’t know what I was doing. I tried to think of a game plan as I took my time walking over to the towel bin. The others were due back at any given time and Grayson was in a panic that I’ve never seen before. I knew I had to get him dry and that there were gym clothes he could change into, but how was I supposed to get him back to the way he presented himself to everyone? A dark part of me liked the fact that there was more to Grayson than what he lead on, and now that I knew, it made me want to stay by him even more than I already had.

The towels were freshly dry cleaned and were still warm to the touch as I grabbed a larger than average white fluffy one and made my way back to Grayson who seemed more child-like in his wet clothes and all shrunken in on himself. I didn’t like him like this. I wanted to see his cocky smirk that he reserved for me whenever we bickered and he knew he had the upper hand. I wanted his green eyes back to their vibrant color instead of the dull washed out color they were currently. I wrapped the towel around Grayson and felt him take a huge gulp of air before I stepped away from him.

I inhaled myself and leaned back against the lockers while I looked at the back of the young man’s head and asked, “Would you mind explaining what’s happening?”

Grayson didn’t reply with words, instead he just shook his head and remained silent.

He was acting like Sophia did when she was sad and wanted to just be left alone. I bounced my back off of the lockers and walked around until I was standing in front of Grayson who was looking anywhere but at me. Without thinking, I cupped my hands around his face and made him look at me as I did in the shower stall. Grayson just shut his eyes like he could pretend I wasn’t right there, holding his face still. I didn’t want to hurt him though and just sighed before walking back behind him. I needed to calm Grayson down and decided to hum an Atrian lullaby I used to sing to my sister whenever my parents fought. I wrapped my arms around Grayson’s towel enclosed body and sat my head on his shoulder before I started humming.

At first Grayson tensed with me touching him, but gradually he loosened up and even started to relax. I decided to ask, “You have a pair of gym clothes in your locker?”

Grayson nodded slowly before he said in a barely audible tone, “Thank you…” before he got up and went to his locker.

I ventured off to mine and took off my soaked black tee and looked at my faintly glowing birthmarks. The luminescence was dimming now that my skin was drying and for once I was wondering why Grayson refused to look at me, except for that split moment in the middle of the corner shower stall. I shook my head, splashing water against the mirror hanging on the door, I was being selfish thinking about me when Grayson was currently going through something serious. I needed to be there for him like my father was there for our Clan. I still didn’t know if I would be able to pick up where he left off. I had backed my Uncle to be my interim _Ikson_ until I finished High School and he turned out to be the same type of person as the Trags. My political sense was less than zero and everyone was looking to me to make decisions for several hundred people, in my Clan alone.

A hand appeared in front of my face and flicked me in-between my eyebrows making me flinch. When I opened my eyes I saw Grayson’s cocky smirk reflected in the mirror as he said, “Why the worry line Roman?”

I turned on the taller man and looked at the complete 180 his attitude had come. He was in his gym sweats and looked like nothing had happened in the past hour or so, he was even eyeing me without my shirt on. I stumbled for words, “W-What happened?”

Grayson’s smirk twitched but he pushed passed it and stated, “I-It’s nothing, come on, the others should be back by now.”

I couldn’t let the conversation end the way it was going and when he turned to leave, I grabbed his hand and stated, “Grayson… you can talk to me; about anything.”

He didn’t turn to look at me, which hurt something inside of me but he said, “Not…right now.”

He walked away from me then, leaving me alone in the locker room. I leaned against a closed locker and closed my eyes for a moment. I wanted to talk to Grayson about how I was starting to like him but his melt down today had thrown me for a loop. I didn’t know what I was going to do as I quickly changed into my gym clothes and walked out into the gym where everyone was milling about, trying to finish Taylor’s impossible, last minute dance. They were finishing up a two mask center piece that was to be hung up in the middle of the stage from the ceiling. One had a smile and the other had a frown. It reminded me somewhat of Grayson's mood change and I decided that I would have to ask about them later…

“Alright guys! Don’t forget your masks for tonight! I’ll get everything else set up. See you later.” Taylor clapped and ushered us out after several more hours of preperation. However, before the first person could grasp the handle she yelled out, “Don’t Forget! You have to bring a mask for your date and Vice Versa!!!”

I turned back around and looked questioningly at her and asked, “What?”

“The rules were changed.” Taylor smiled and went back to what she was doing.

Once outside I looked at the others and asked them, “Who’s making masks for whom?”

Grayson met my eyes briefly before turning away. I guess he figured Emery and I would be exchanging masks but she just stated, “Well, I unfortunately won’t be attending tonight’s party. I have a prior engagement with the hospital and their Ped’s Ward.”

“Ped’s Ward?” I asked, since I didn’t understand the term.

“The Children’s Ward at the hospital. Ped’s is short or Pediatric… Hey Em, would you mind if I bailed? I really want to go to this dance with Eric and you know I have never been…” Julia explained and then placed her hand over her mouth towards the end.

Emery’s eyes had a knowing look in them before she stated, “Yes, I know. I’m sure the kids will understand. You all try and have fun without me there.”

“I’m sure we will…” Teri stated under breath.

I saw Drake elbow her gently and Grayson was taking note of the behavior. I still didn’t know what to do about this mask thing. Should I make one for Grayson or would that be too awkward? Thankfully that’s when Julia pulled out some paper and pens and grabbed Lukas’ hat from his head. She beamed at the rest of us before she stated, “We’re going to do secret mask making.”

“We’re what?” Eric asked a little befuddled.

“Kind of like Secret Santa during Christmas, instead of a gift we will make a mask for the person we get on the little piece of paper we draw!” Julia explained, her enthusiasm was almost painful.

“Santa?” I asked.

“Don’t tell me…” Julia scoffed as she put a hand to her chest in mock horror.

Grayson took the time to walk closer to our group and explained, “It’s a story for children to make them act properly as they are growing up. If they are good all year round they will get gifts, if they’ve been bad, they will get a lump of coal. To promote comradery amongst a group of people, whether it be workers or students, the acting authority would set up a “Secret Santa” during the holidays so that one person would have to get a gift for another person and no one would know who was giving a gift to who until the day of the event.”

“Exactly! Thank you Grayson. Now everyone write your names onto a piece of paper and fold it up and then place it into the hat.” Julia practically squealed.

I sighed, knowing that I wasn’t going to get out of this. I had to look at the bright side to this though. There was a- one and nine chance of me getting Grayson… I sighed again as I wrote my name on the piece of scrap paper before tossing it into the hat. Drake smirked and followed suit and even Teri placed her name in with a bored expression on her face. Eric, Grayson, and Lukas followed suit and when they were all finished, Julia pulled out a name first and she did end up squealing.

“Guess we all know who she got…” Teri stated with a melancholy tone of voice.

Lukas went next and when he looked at the paper, his skin paled a bit. I guess he must have gotten Teri which I didn’t envy him at all. Grayson went after Lukas and he smiled brightly before he walked off which made me wonder who he had gotten. Eric went next and when he pulled a name he fist bumped the air serval times before walking off after Grayson. All that was left were us Atrians. Sophia went first and she smiled sweetly at the name on the little piece of paper and then stepped back for the rest of us to grab one. Teri took hers and managed to frown even more than she already was. Drake grabbed his and when he read the name a confused look crossed his face leaving me to take the last little piece of paper. I hesitated with my hand over the rim of the hat, I wanted it to be Grayson’s name on that last piece but the odds were against me. I gulped and grabbed it and just held the thing in my hand until I stepped back and took a deep breath.

“Dude, it’s just a silly little game.” Drake said from next to me. He didn’t understand though. I wanted- no, I needed it to be Grayson. Something inside of me was pulling me towards the human and this dance might help me understand that feeling. Help me understand Grayson more than he was letting anyone understand him.

I opened the piece of paper and my heart sank. It was Taylor…I’m pretty sure my face echoed Lukas’s by paling at the realization that I didn’t get the person I was wishing for. Drake looked at me and then down at the piece of paper. As he did that though Julia screamed out, “No peeking!”

“Right, right, it’s supposed to be secret…” Drake muttered as he walked past me, bumping my shoulder to tell me silently to follow him.

As I followed him I was thinking about what I could have done wrong that would cause this outcome. I didn’t understand Taylor, and honestly I found her a little annoying. Maybe that was why. The universe was telling me to learn to like her maybe even befriend her. I shook my head and wondered who could have possibly gotten Grayson. Was it Teri? She openly hated the guy but I doubt it. It was pretty much a sure fact that Lukas got Teri and both Eric and Julia were making masks for each other. That left Drake, Sophia, and Teri, us Atrians…

“Hey man, at least you got an easy one! Just get a mask and paint it pink and throw glitter over it! I don’t even have one idea on what to make for Mr. Mansion.” Drake stated, rousing me from my thoughts.

“Wait, _you_ got Grayon?” I asked in a shocked tone.

“Yeah man, have any ideas?” he pleaded.

Honestly, I didn’t even know what type of mask to make him either but I _wanted_ to make him one. I moved closer to Drake and spoke softly to him, “Hey, let’s switch… There’s no way Julia would notice now that she’s preoccupied with Eric.”

Drake smiled and stated, “Sure! This is going to be freaking easy. Catch you on the bus.”

I smiled warmly at my friend’s broad back. He was clueless but that was fine. I couldn’t believe my luck in Drake getting Grayson. I walked outside the school thinking of some ideas for the mask I was going to make for the rich boy.

~~~


End file.
